The Switch
by JantoFan
Summary: Howard and Vince can't stand each other, and want nothing more than to be apart. However a chance encounter with a stranger leaves them in a situation neither could possibly have imagined...they're going to have to live with the other very closely indeed.
1. Chapter 1

**I know I really shouldn't be starting a new story when I've still got ones to finish, but I'm ill and I'm bored and I need to cheer myself up! It's too close to both my birthday and Christmas for me to be ill!!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Boosh. If I did, Party would have ended **_**very**_** differently…**

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"Fuck off, Howard." Vince snapped irritably.

"Believe me, I would love nothing better than to 'fuck off' and get the hell away from you, but I promised Naboo I'd baby-sit you whilst we were collecting new stock."

"I'm a fucking adult!"

"Act like one then."

"Twat."

"Whore."

Vince shot Howard a death-glare, and Howard smiled ironically back at him, his eyes glinting with cold resentment. It had been like this for months now. What had started off as friendly banter had mutated and become hurled insults and cheap stunts designed to humiliate the other in public. Vince honestly couldn't remember a time when he and Howard had genuinely been friends. How could he ever have actually _liked_ the stupid old freak? The only reason they still lived together was because Howard refused to move out, and Vince didn't see why he should be the one to move. After all, Naboo and Bollo were his friends too, more so than they were Howard's actually, and he liked living with the shaman and his familiar.

"You shouldn't argue like that you know." Came a voice from one of the vendors at the market. Vince spun round.

"I don't see why that's your business!"

The old man who had spoken shrugged. "I think it is. You shouldn't be so cruel to friends."

"He is **not** my friend!" both replied at the same time, glaring at each other. The old man looked between the two of them and smiled.

"But you were once, yes?"

"A _long_ time ago." Howard snorted, "Back when Vince was a human being rather than a bitch."

"Fuck off; I'm still the same person. You've just changed into some sad old freak. You don't understand me anymore, because I'm still normal!"

"Normal? You?" Howard laughed cruelly and Vince clenched his fists like he wanted to hit him.

The old man's smile grew. "Would you like a drink?"

Howard opened his mouth to say no, but then found himself suddenly incredibly thirsty, as if he'd not had a drink in days. "Thank you."

He handed them both a cup of pink liquid and they drank it quickly. It tasted like nothing Howard had ever tried before, it was sweet and tasted faintly of strawberry and strongly of something Howard couldn't identify yet at the same time tasted incredibly familiar.

"You can only understand each other again when you understand yourselves."

Vince wiped his mouth. "Whatever mate. Cheers for the drink." he turned to Howard. "Get a move on then, I've got stuff to be getting on with I can't spend all day with _you_."

"'Things to be getting on with'? What, like watching kids telly?"

"Even that's more interesting than your sad excuse for a life. When was the last time you spoke to a friend again Howard? Oh yeah - never."

* * *

Howard woke next morning with a blinding headache. He sat up and groaned softly, wondering what the hell he'd done yesterday which could explain this. He knew he hadn't gotten drunk so it couldn't be a hangover…he hoped he wasn't sick. Knowing Vince he'd probably assume Howard had done it on purpose to annoy him. The little poof really did think the world revolved around him, and that no-one did anything without thinking about how it would affect Vince fucking Noir. Well Howard Moon had better things to think about, yes sir! It had been a long time since he'd cared what Vince thought. Or at least since he'd cared about Vince's approval.

He climbed out of bed, only the floor seemed further away than normal and he stumbled, almost falling. Well, that wasn't normal. Maybe he really was sick. Bugger.

Howard staggered to the bathroom and turned on the shower, stripping off and standing beneath the warm water.

When had this happened? It seemed like only yesterday that Vince was a sweet kid who wanted nothing more than to care for animals and respected Howard like he was a figure of wisdom. When had he turned into this vile, shallow, evil, twisted mess of a man? Howard couldn't pinpoint the time, looking back now all he could see was who Vince was now. Even most of his memories of the zoo involved Vince being a twat - smashing up his jazz records when he'd died, coercing him into boxing that kangaroo, rubbing it in his face when he got that book deal…maybe he'd never been a sweet kid. It had just taken Howard a long time to see that his soul was as black as his name.

He set about washing his hair, closing his eyes against the shampoo dripping down his face, and noted vaguely that there seemed to be more of it than he was used to. He really needed a hair cut. Since Vince had stopped his 'midnight barber' escapades, Howard had noticed his hair getting longer. He'd book an appointment at the barbers for later that day.

Getting out of the shower, he rubbed his face with the towel to dry the water out of his eyes. Pulling it away he glanced into the bathroom mirror and froze.

He turned around slowly, as if expecting to see Vince grinning cruelly in the corner delighting in his joke, but there was no-one there. Turning back to the mirror Howard rubbed his eyes, but the reflection remained the same. He reached up a shaking hand and felt his face, fingers ghosting over the unfamiliar sharp cheekbones, the larger than normal nose.

Then Howard screamed.

* * *

Vince jolted awake, heart pounding. He was sure he'd just heard someone scream. Although now he came to think about it, that might have been a dream. After all, it had sounded sort of like him…

"What is it, what's wrong?" he heard Naboo saying. "Open the door, it can't be that bad!"

He rolled his eyes and tumbled out of bed. What the hell had Howard done this time? He wrenched open the bedroom door and stuck his head out, squinting in the sudden light.

"What the hell's going on? Some of us are trying to sleep!"

"Something's the matter with Vince. He's locked himself in the bathroom."

"Oh, right." Vince retreated back into the bedroom and closed the door, then paused. A frown appeared on his face as he processed what Naboo had just said. He went back out into the hall. "Hold on, no, you've lost me. I don't have a problem!"

Naboo looked at him like he had just drooled. "So?"

"But you said…" Vince reached up and ran a hand through his hair, then felt his heart almost stop. His hair had gone! Not completely, he wasn't bald or anything, but it felt thin and a lot shorter than he was used to.

Panic welled up inside him. What would people think? What would they say…and why hadn't Naboo said anything? A nasty thought sprang into Vince's mind, and for the first time that morning he looked down at his body. He blinked a few times, then brought a hand up to his face, feeling stubble and a moustache which was definitely too thick to account for one night's growth…and he had a northern accent, Vince realised suddenly with a jolt. He hadn't registered before, but he did. Oh shit. Oh fuck. Vince suddenly realised what had happened and felt a jolt of fear run down his spine. Pushing past Naboo he knocked loudly on the door.

"Open the door, Howard. It's me - it's Vince."

He glanced at Naboo, who was watching him like he was a crazy person. The lock clicked open and the bathroom door opened. Vince swore loudly at the sight of his own body clad in a dressing gown staring back at him. The two regarded each other with slightly frightened eyes, and then simultaneously turned to look at Naboo.

"Naboo…" Howard said, licking his lips nervously. "What the hell's going on?"

"I really wish I knew." he replied faintly, wondering if his flatmates had lost their minds and quickly drafting an advert for new ones in his head.

Just in case.

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I've always thought about writing one of these and I had a dream about this last night (I cant remember it, so it was probably nothing like this story, but I have a vague recollection it was something to do with them switching places…I think…)

**Reviews make me happy!**


	2. Chapter 2

"What the hell have you done to my hair?!" Vince squeaked suddenly, catching sight of it.

"Nothing! I just had a shower, that's all!" Howard protested defensively.

"It needs special treatment! There are two different shampoos, and then my volume-boosting conditioner, and then my shine serum…"

"I am not spending hours doing your hair!" Howard snapped. "And don't you think this is slightly more important than how you look? We're in each other's bodies for fucks sake! Or had you not noticed?"

"Hold on, hold on." Naboo interrupted, holding up his hands. He looked over at the one who looked like Vince. "Howard?"

"Yes."

He turned to the other man. "Vince?"

"Obviously. It's not like there's going to be two Howard's, is it?"

"No need to snap at me." Naboo admonished in a monotone.

"Well, are you going to fix us or what?"

"No can do. It wasn't me who did this. Although if it helps, body swap spells usually wear off after a matter of time."

"Usually?" Vince asked suspiciously.

Naboo shrugged. "I'll ask around. Someone must have done this to you…"

"That old man!" Vince shrieked suddenly.

"What?"

"Remember, Howard? That weird old man at the market. He gave us something to drink!"

Naboo rolled his eyes. "I'll see what I can find out." he muttered, walking back into his room and shutting the door. Howard and Vince stood in the hallway awkwardly.

"So…"

"So."

"What now?"

Howard shrugged. "I guess we just stay in the flat and hope it wears off…"

Vince suddenly gasped and clapped a hand over his mouth. "But I've got a gig tonight!"

"What?"

"I've got a gig! I can't go on stage looking like a fat northerner!"

"Oi! I am not fat; I have a large bone structure."

"Come off it, you just eat too much."

"Just because I'm just not a stick insect like some people! And besides, can't you cancel?"

"I'm not cancelling on these guys!"

"How bad can they be?"

"Remember those electro girls back at the zoo? Think them only a lot bigger and stronger and probably drunk. And seeing as you look like me it's you they'll come for!"

Howard paled. "Well, I'll have to do the gig for you then."

"No! You'll ruin it! My reputation will be screwed!"

Howard glared at him. "I can sing you know Vince. Better than you, actually."

"Being in a band isn't about whether you can sing!"

"I think it is."

"It's not! I've told you this before, idiot, it's about the look! You go out there with my hair all lank and no makeup; I'll be a laughing stock!"

Vince didn't like the look of the grin that came over Howard's face. "A laughing stock you say?"

"Howard, you can't!" he gasped.

"Why not? Why shouldn't I? Maybe I'll wear my best shirt as well. You know, the brown and orange one…"

"Well if you do that I'll…I'll…I'll go out in the mirror ball suit and high heeled boots. And a full face of makeup!"

"Go on then. I think out of the two of us you'll have more to lose if we both go out dressed like ourselves. Everyone will have forgotten about me by next week, but they'll never stop talking about Vince Noir wearing baggy brown clothes!"

"Howard, you can't! Please!" Vince begged.

"It'll be fun!" Howard said viciously.

"It'll be humiliating! This is victimisation, you know. This is bullying!"

Howard sobered instantly. "And you'd know all about that, wouldn't you?" he said quietly.

"What's that supposed to mean?!"

Howard raised an eyebrow. "I'm not even going to dignify that with a response."

"Fuck off! How do I 'bully' you? That's pathetic even by your standards!"

"Shut up, sir, or I'll come at you like a breeze block of pain."

Vince stared at him for a second, then burst out laughing.

"What?" Howard snapped in irritation.

"I'm sorry." Vince laughed, "It's just…hearing my voice saying you're going to come at someone…" he collapsed into a fit of fresh giggles.

Howard looked at him in disgust. "I don't see why that's funny?"

"It'd be like me talking about Gary Numan and throwing some of my shapes. Check this out!" he struck a pose that was so Vince-like for a second Howard stared at him. Maybe when Vince did it it looked cool, but now it just looked ridiculous. In spite of himself, he snorted with laughter. Vince grinned at him, catching his eye, and suddenly both of them were laughing.

For a few minutes, it felt almost like it used to. Both of them laughing together, rather than bitching and yelling and sniping…but then Howard remembered some of the things Vince had said to him, and forced himself to stop laughing. "So…this gig then."

"Right, yeah."

"I…suppose I could let you do my - your - hair. After all, I don't want to get beaten up."

"And you'll let me do makeup? And pick my outfit?"

Howard sighed. "As long as you don't choose something which is going to render me infertile, fine."

Vince smiled nervously. "Thanks, Howard."

Howard smiled back, a malicious glint in his eye. "After all…you're going to have to wear _my_ clothes until this gets sorted out!"

The smile faded, and Vince looked horrified.

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Sorry, I know it's really short but I just wanted to post something! Reviews make me smile


	3. Chapter 3

"You want me to wear _that_?" Howard demanded in horror.

"What's wrong with it?" Vince asked, looking down at the outfit he'd chosen.

"Um, the trousers for a start! Remember what I said about the infertility issue?"

"Piss off, they're not that tight. You're a lot thinner now remember."

"I'm **not **fat!"

"Whatever Howard. Just get changed."

"Ok, leave the room then."

"Nah, I'll wait."

Howard shot him a look. "Vince, I am not stripping off with you in the room!"

Vince rolled his eyes. "Howard, it's my body! I've seen it before! If anything I should be getting annoyed about you seeing me naked!"

Howard threw his hands up in frustration. Vince really did never think about anyone else! "I'm in the same position!"

"Oh, like I'm going to look when I get changed. I have no desire to see your…"

"And why would I want to see yours?!"

Vince smirked. "Everyone does."

Howard gritted his teeth, which looked very strange on Vince's face. "Shut up before I change my mind about letting you do makeup."

Vince instantly fell silent and tried to look innocent. Watching him, Howard suddenly understood what Vince had said about his small eyes making him look shifty. Either that or Vince really was up to something.

Flushing, partly out of embarrassment and partly out of anger, Howard quickly got changed into the ridiculous outfit. Once that was done, he sat down in the chair and Vince began to work on his hair.

_How does he do this every day? _Howard wondered as he almost choked on the vast amount of hair spray being sprayed around his face. _I'd go mad_.

After what felt like an hour, Vince decided he was satisfied with it and reached for an eyeliner pencil.

"Whoa there, sir!" Howard protested. "Don't make it too heavy!"

Vince huffed. "It has to look right, Howard. Don't worry; I'm not going to make me look like a prozzy or anything. Now close your eyes."

Howard sighed and obeyed, wincing as Vince poked him in the eye with the pencil. "Ok; Ow!"

"Sorry! I'm not used to doing it to someone else! And your hands are really big…"

Once he was satisfied the eyeliner was on straight, Vince set to work on the rest of his face. Howard shifted uncomfortably at the close proximity, but kept as still as he could. Much to his surprise, the feeling of someone's fingers gently touching his face was strangely…pleasant. Especially when you considered it was Vince touching him…_it's because it's my body_, Howard decided, _that's the only reason I'm not uncomfortable…_

"Done!" Vince announced happily about an hour later.

"Five million years later…" Howard grumbled, peering into the mirror. He couldn't fault the face staring back at him; it looked good. Vince always looked good (_once he's coated himself in makeup_, Howard thought viciously.)

* * *

Vince looked around nervously as they entered the stuffy club where the gig was taking place. He'd given Howard strict instructions not to talk to anyone in case he said something embarrassing, but if anyone said anything to Howard thinking he was Vince there was no way he could just stand there looking like an idiot. Vince decided to stick with him, hoping that 'Howard's' presence would mean people were less likely to talk to 'Vince'.

"Finally! Where the fuck have you been?"

Vince jumped. "Sorry. Hair took longer than expected."

The man sneered. "Was I talking to you, grandad? Hey Vince, who's this loser?"

"He's…" Howard toyed with the idea of saying something to big himself up, but then Vince surreptitiously poked him in the ribs and he winced. "He's just my flatmate." he fixed Vince with a glare. "Why're you even still here? This is for the performers."

"I swear to God if you embarrass me I'm shaving the moustache." Vince hissed.

"Do that and you are a dead man." Howard whispered back. "Go on, then. Piss off." he said, returning his voice to normal volume.

"You deaf or something? We don't want you here!"

Vince scowled, pushing back his hurt. He wasn't used to this, people adored him. Ok, so he'd got the odd punch and leery comments from drunken homophobes, but that's just because they didn't understand his look. These guys were his sort of people, and he wasn't used to rejection from them. He cast a final look back at Howard before heading out into the main area of the club and bagging himself a seat at one of the tables. Maybe this was a bad idea. Could Howard really be trusted not to say the wrong thing? His entire reputation rested on Howard's shoulders and Vince hated it. He hated the feeling that Howard was in control, it made him feel weak, and strangely pathetic. It had been a long time since he'd felt like anyone had control over him, and he didn't like that he was in that sort of situation again. Especially with Howard. Vince wouldn't have trusted him to answer a phone call, let alone have control over his life.

* * *

Half an hour and several drinks later, the band made their way on stage. Vince was by this point quite drunk, having forgotten than despite Howard's larger size he could handle less alcohol than Vince himself.

He had to admit he looked pretty good on stage. He always knew he looked good, but somehow seeing yourself from someone else's eyes was different to using a mirror…

"I wouldn't let Vince see you doing that if I were you."

Vince looked round in surprise as Leroy sidled up to him. "See me doing what?"

"Making eyes at him."

_What?? _"I wasn't!"

Leroy rolled his eyes. "Whatever, Howard. So you're still denying it, huh?"

"Denying what? Seriously Leroy, are you high?"

Leroy grinned. "Yeah. But that's not the point."

"So what is the point?"

"You know."

"I really don't, you know."

Leroy rolled his eyes. "Ok, fine. Listen Howard, I gotta run. Got a hot blonde waiting for me outside. Seriously, though, I thought you'd moved on. We both know what a shallow bitch Vince can be sometimes. Well, a lot of the time."

"Yeah. See ya, Leroy."

Vince watched him leave in confusion. What the hell had that been about? As Howard began to sing, Vince returned his gaze to the stage. Howard could sing pretty well, he had to admit that. Maybe this gig wouldn't go so badly after all.

Howard looked around the crowded room for a sight of Vince. You'd have thought a fairly big man wearing an orange patterned shirt would stand out amongst this crowd of neon decked socialites, but apparently not. It made Howard wonder how people always managed to pick him out as the odd one out in a crowd.

Maybe it was about attitude. This was Vince's scene, it stood to reason that he'd feel more comfortable here…Howard grimaced as someone sloshed drink down his front, then felt a wave of anger. Not at the drunken girl holding the glass, but at Vince for not thinking he might want to get out of here as soon as possible.

He couldn't seriously leave Vince here in his body, who knew what the little idiot would get up to? He'd seen the state of Vince stumbling back at four in the morning, and there was no way he was letting him do that to his body. Let the stupid poof do what he wanted to his own form, but Howard Moon's body was a temple, sir, and it needed respect!

"…are you really in a band?"

"Yeah! I helped set those guys who just played up actually. You like the lead singer, Vince Noir?"

"Yeah, he was amazing!"

"He was pretty good. And gorgeous too, don't you think? It was me who did his hair, you know."

"Really?"

Howard looked around. He'd recognise his own northern lilt anywhere. Scooting round a pillar he saw Vince standing much too close to a blonde girl in her twenties.

"Vin…Howard!" he hissed.

Vince looked round and motioned his head for Howard to piss off. Not a chance!

"Hi!" he said as casually as he could, strolling over.

"Hi." the girl murmured seductively, twisting her hair around her fingers.

"Excuse me." Vince said, seizing Howard's arm and pulling him away. "What're you doing?"

"What?"

"I'm in there you wanker, I don't need you swanning over here in my perfect body and stealing her away. I was lucky to find someone drunk enough to go for you in the first place!"

"Vince, you can't seriously be trying to sleep with her!"

"Why shouldn't I?" a slow smile spread over his face. "Oh my God, you're still a virgin aren't you?!"

"So?" Howard demanded, blushing.

"Oh that is priceless!"

"Vince you can't lose my virginity for me. That isn't fair."

Vince sneered, but Howard rather thought he'd convinced the younger man. "Fine. We'll go."

"Thank you."

"One second."

Vince stepped back over and kissed the girl, shoving his tongue down her throat. Howard looked away. It was demeaning having Vince being able to do things like that. Not to mention the fact he'd technically just stolen Howard's first proper kiss (his kiss on the roof with Vince didn't count. Besides, he'd rather forget that whole sorry incident if he was honest.)

"Right lets go." Vince said, reappearing.

"Why did you do that?"

"Because I can. You might be right about me having more to lose, but you're not in control. I can do whatever I want to your body, and with your body, and you can't stop me. So just remember that."

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Please review coz it's my birthday and reviews make me happy as a clam!


	4. Chapter 4

Howard gaped at him, completely thrown. "What?!" he demanded. Ok, so the little ponce was always a bit spiteful, but this was an extreme Howard hadn't been expecting.

"You heard."

"I heard, but…where the fuck has all this 'control' crap come from?"

"I'm just warning you. You think you have all the power because I'm more popular than you, but you don't. I'm still in control here."

Howard pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed angrily. "Look, just forget it, ok? Because I am _this_ close to hitting you and I don't particularly want to give myself a black eye to recover from when I'm back to normal, alright?"

Vince shrugged, smirking infuriatingly in a way which suggested he thought he'd won. "Fine. Whatever."

Looking sideways at the angry expression Howard now wore, Vince felt an unexpected twinge of guilt. He angrily shoved it aside and focused on getting them home without being seen together. After all, he had nothing to feel guilty about, did he? If it was the other way round Vince had no doubt whatsoever that Howard would be jumping into bed with that girl. In fact, the only reason he hadn't already done something was probably because he was too damn stupid to realise he had the advantage of being gorgeous now. Once Howard realised that, as 'Vince Noir', all he had to do was smile and people would throw themselves at him, all this bullshit about respecting his body would go out the window.

* * *

The next morning when Vince woke up, he kept his eyes closed. He lay there, praying that he was back to normal, then opened his eyes and looked down at himself.

He groaned softly. Still in Howard's body.

He got out of bed gingerly, sure that at any moment his head was going to explode in pain. After all, given the amount he'd drunk last night and how much of a lightweight Howard was, he expected to have a huge hangover.

But nothing happened. He felt fine.

Shrugging to himself, he stumbled out into the kitchen to get himself some juice and froze in horror.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" he squeaked, noting as he did so that Howard's voice really wasn't meant for squeaking. He sounded like a deranged mouse.

"Eating breakfast." came the sullen reply from Howard. "What does it look like I'm doing?"

Vince stared wide eyed at the bacon and egg sandwich Howard was eating. "Do you have any idea how much fat you're eating?! You're going to make me gain weight!"

"Oh yeah, because you're such a fat pig already." Howard rolled his eyes and took another bite of his food. "What're you doing up so early anyway?"

Vince shrugged, getting a juice carton out of the fridge. "I was awake, might as well get up. Besides, I feel great! No hangover or anything."

"Oh, yeah. I don't get them." Howard commented, taking a drink from a mug of black coffee.

Vince stared at him. "What?"

Howard shrugged. "Never have."

Vince blinked rapidly. Howard didn't get hangovers? How was that fair? A brilliant gift like that and it had to go to the least sociable, least fun loving person in the history of the world; when he brought joy and excitement to hundreds of people and woke up most mornings with an absolute blinder. This was definitely someone's idea of a joke.

"What's the plan for today then?" he asked, taking a gulp of juice.

"I'm going to stay here, you're going to jazzercise."

Vince almost spat the juice out again in shock. "Jazzercise?! No fucking way!"

"I did your gig for you, you do this for me. It's only fair."

Vince shuddered. An hour bopping around to jazz with a bunch of sad old men? He'd rather die. "Not a hope in hell, Howard."

"But I promised Horace I'd go."

_Promised? Why on earth would he promise to go to jazzercise?_ "I don't care. Your problem not mine."

Howard's eyes flashed angrily, and then he smiled. "Well I suppose I could always go myself."

Vince growled. Howard blinked in surprise. He'd actually _growled_, like an animal or something. "Fine." he turned and stomped off, then paused and came back grinning smugly. "Wait, I can't go."

"Why not?"

"I have allergies."

Howard smiled back at him. "Allergies are a physical thing Vince, not a mental one, and I'm not allergic to jazz. Unless you're admitting that it's all in your head?"

"No!" Vince said hurriedly. Howard smirked.

"Right then. Off you go, get ready."

Vince glared and walked back into the bedroom, slamming the door behind him.

* * *

"Hey Howard." a woman in her mid forties greeted, holding the door open.

"Hi." Vince said, slightly confused.

"You feeling ok?"

"Oh yeah, I'm just genius." Vince muttered sarcastically. To his surprise, she laughed.

"He been playing up again?"

"What?"

"Vince. I assume from that sarcastic comment he's no better?"

Vince blinked. "Oh, he's…the same as ever. Um…how're you?"

The woman rolled her eyes. "Oh, you know. The twins are acting up again. Bobby actually wants a motorbike now can you believe!"

"Wow, I…that's bad, is it?"

"My Bobby with a motorbike? Of course it's bad; you know what he's like!"

Vince nodded and smiled, although he had no idea what this woman's son was like. He was already kicking himself for not asking Howard the names of these people.

"Howard!" he heard a man shout and turned to see a bloke in his 60s shuffling over.

"Alright?"

"How're you then, son?"

"I'm…fine."

"Listen, I've got some good news for you!"

"Oh?"

"Sheila died!"

Vince blinked, stunned. "And that's…erm…good?"

"Well, it means I've got a spare room now, so if you're still looking for somewhere it's yours."

Howard had been asking around for somewhere new to live? Vince waited for the satisfied feeling that he'd finally get rid of him, but it didn't come. He felt curiously…empty.

"Erm…great news, yeah." _come on, say yes! Accept the offer you little prick, you can finally get rid of him! _"Well, I…" _what is wrong with you? _"I think I should probably…" _say yes. SAY YES! _"…talk to Naboo first. You know, I think I have to give him notice or something." _give him notice? What the fuck?_ Why hadn't he said yes? This was the main thing he'd wanted for months, Howard finally out of his hair. So why the hell hadn't he accepted the offer of a room?

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Jazzercise passed in a bit of a blur after that. As he'd suspected, Vince hated almost every second of it (but not every single second, although he'd never admit that to anyone). What had surprised him most was everyone's reactions to him. Well, their reactions to Howard anyway. These people _liked_ him. And not in an ironic way, they actually genuinely seemed to like his company. _No accounting for taste_, Vince supposed.

Why did Howard never hang out with any of these people? Ok, so they were all older than him, but still. Howard looked old enough to be his dad and that hadn't put him off when he was younger. And it wouldn't put him off now; the reason he and Howard didn't get on anymore didn't have anything to do with how he looked, it was because…

…because…

…um…

"See you, Howard!"

"Bye!" Vince called back, hurrying out of the hall. He saw Howard leaning casually against the wall and hurried over. "Never put me through that ever again!"

Howard smirked. "Have a good time, did you?"

"Fuck you Howard."

"I think we should try and stay in the flat from now on, don't you?"

Vince gaped at him as something slid into place in his mind. "Oh my God…you didn't promise to go at all, did you?! That was just you getting back at me for the gig last night!"

"Not at all." Howard said, still smirking. "Why would I do that?"

Vince clenched his fists and squashed down his anger, not wanting to hit him and risk ruining his own face. Then, without warning, he felt a sudden urge to laugh.

He squashed that down too.

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Reviews are loved!

**If anyone cares, Howard not getting hangovers is based on me and the fact that I am a constant source of irritation to my friends when we all go out drinking and I'm the only one in the morning not nursing a sore head!**


	5. Chapter 5

_Vince rested his hand behind his head and stared up at the sky. He and Howard were lying in the new open-air gorilla enclosure the RSPCA had forced Fossil to build._

"_What're you thinking?"_

"_I'm thinking we should probably get back to work." Howard replied, his smile evident in his voice. "This place isn't going to sort itself out, and Bollo needs to move in here in a couple of hours."_

"_It's too nice a day to work." Vince grumbled. Howard chuckled._

"_Unfortunately the zoo doesn't close because it's a nice day. If anything it's busier."_

"_Yeah, that sucks actually. People should be more considerate and realise we don't wanna work either!"_

_Howard turned his head to look at Vince. "You live in your own little world sometimes, don't you little man?" he remarked fondly._

_Vince rolled over so he was facing Howard. "It's more fun that way!"_

"_What…more fun than hanging out with me in reality?"_

"_Well…" Vince teased. Howard stuck his tongue out._

"_So if you could be anyone, anywhere, right now. What would you be?"_

_Vince wrinkled up his nose in thought. "I'd be a pop star! And I'd be in my mansion on my own private island with servants bringing me cocktails as I lounge beside my pool shaped like a guitar. You?"_

_Howard shrugged. "I've never really thought about it."_

"_You're boring!" Vince complained. Howard looked at him._

"_I suppose you'll get bored of me eventually. Move on from the zoo and forget all about me."_

_Vince frowned slightly, then laughed. "As if that would happen! We'll always be together, you and me. Always."_

* * *

"Bollo making lasagne. Do you want any, precious Vince?"

"That sounds great Bollo, but I'm Howard. Vince is over there." Howard pointed to where Vince was asleep on the sofa.

"Oh. Umm…"

Howard rolled his eyes. Bollo never offered to make him dinner, but he knew that he was probably too polite to take the offer away now he'd made it, even if it was by accident.

"Do you want a hand?" he asked. Bollo shook his head.

"No. Bollo likes kitchen the way it is, don't need Harold blowing it up."

"Bollo, I can cook. How do you think I normally eat?"

Bollo shrugged. "Fish and chips?"

Howard couldn't work out whether the ape was being stupid or if that was some sort of jibe about his size. Either way he decided he didn't want to stay there talking to him, so he went over to the sofa and shook Vince awake. He jerked awake and stared at Howard in alarm for a few seconds, seemingly having forgotten the swap whilst he was sleeping.

"Whuzzat…what…oh." Vince rubbed his eyes. "Howard. What do **you** want?"

"Bollo's making lasagne and says do you want any?"

Vince looked up. "Yeah, genius, cheers Bollo."

Howard shivered. It still felt weird hearing his voice talking like Vince. And that was before he even started thinking about the fact that he was sat next to himself.

"I'm sorry." Vince said abruptly. It took Howard a few seconds to realise it was him Vince was talking to.

"What? You're…what?"

"I'm sorry." Vince repeated. "Y'know…for kissing that girl."

"Oh. Well…it's not that…" Howard blustered, completely thrown. Vince apologising was something that _never_ happened. "What's brought this on?"

"I was dreaming about…um…never mind." Vince blushed slightly, his dream of them at the zoo already starting to fade. He wasn't even certain if it had ever happened or not, he couldn't for the life of him remember if they'd had an open air enclosure, and he wasn't going to embarrass himself by telling Howard about it.

I mean, how embarrassing would that be? _"We'll always be together…" _Honestly! The very idea of saying something like that to Howard now was just unthinkable…

"Thank you, Vince. Apology accepted."

Vince smiled tentatively at him.

"And…I'm sorry too."

"What've you got to be sorry for?" Vince asked. Suspicion crept up on him. "Did you say something to someone? Was it Darren? Or Jack? Tell me it wasn't Jack. Oh God, what did you say?!"

"Nothing!" Howard snapped, and Vince realised with a peculiar sinking feeling that the almost tender moment had passed. "I just meant for tricking you into going to jazz club, that's all."

"Oh. Well, that's accepted as well."

"Good."

"Fine."

"Exactly."

They sat there in stony silence. Glancing across at Howard, Vince was startled to see he was upset. To anyone else he might just look a bit pissed off, but Vince knew his own face well enough to realise that the tightening around the eyes had nothing to do with anger.

He was, however, slightly wrong. Howard _was_ angry, but that was only because he did feel upset. He was angry at himself. In Howard's mind, Vince had lost the power to hurt him long ago (after all, you can only really be hurt by those you care about), and yet here he was feeling hurt.

_It's because you apologised and he threw it back in your face_, he reasoned, _you'd be upset no matter who you were talking to. The fact that it's __**him**__ doesn't mean anything…_

At that moment Naboo walked in. he took one look at Howard and Vince and shuddered. "Blimey, you could cut the tension in here with a knife!"

"What're you on about?"

"You and Howard! All this negative energy is messing with my inner harmony."

"What? 'Inner harmony'? Bullshit."

Naboo shrugged. "Hey, if you don't believe me that's not my problem. But it's seriously distracting and it'll take longer to find a cure to this mess, so if you wouldn't mind?"

Vince gritted his teeth. "I'm sorry I yelled at you, Howard."

"No you're not."

"Howard." Naboo said warningly. Howard sighed and ran a hand over his face, wincing slightly at the still unfamiliar angles.

"Apology accepted."

"Thank you. Any food going, Bollo?"

"Bollo making lasagne."

"Genius. I'll be in my room." he turned and walked off again, closing his bedroom door quietly behind him.

"What was that all about?" Vince wondered out loud.

"Dunno." Howard said. Vince didn't bother to tell him he hadn't actually been speaking to him. "I'm not buying all this 'inner harmony' bollocks though. If a negative atmosphere affected him so adversely he'd have been feeling shit for months now."

"Yeah." Vince hesitated. "Mind you, in case he's right I'm going out."

"No chance." Howard said instantly, jerking his gaze away from Naboo's door and back to the man sat next to him. "I'm not letting you out of my sight."

"What the fuck? Why?"

"I need to make sure you don't do anything to my body!"

Vince glared. "Fine. Am I allowed to go into the bedroom, or do you need to follow me?" he asked, his voice layered with irony.

"Go right ahead." Howard replied. Vince scowled and stomped into the bedroom, slamming the door. Howard reached instinctively for his right wrist and twisted, then let go with a grunt of frustration and settled for taking out his anger on the cushions instead. He'd told Vince he wanted him to respect his body, and that went both ways.

So no Chinese burns. Not for a while.

**

* * *

**

I swear I spend more time

_**with**_** writers block these days than I do without it! I dunno what's wrong with me, it's like my muses have all gone away or something.**

**Please review; help me get the Ju Ju back! xx**


	6. Chapter 6

Vince angrily slammed the door and began pacing the room. "Howard bloody Moon!" he growled. "Who the hell does he think he is?" he walked over to the bedroom window, unlatched it and pushed it open, then sighed and closed it again. No, he couldn't leave. He was angry, but he wasn't stupid.

Howard probably _expected_ him to leave! This was just him playing bloody mind games…no, that was stupid.

Vince sighed and collapsed onto his bed. He felt like he was going mad, but he wasn't sure why. The more he thought about it, the less convinced he became that Howard was the one he was really angry with. When he thought about the way Howard had looked at him (before he'd spoilt it by accusing him of saying something stupid)…he had this strange feeling of having found something he'd been looking for. Because for the first time in what felt like forever, Howard hadn't been looking at him like he hated him, or like he didn't even matter; he'd looked at him like…ok, maybe not like a friend, but like a valid human being. And Vince felt like kicking himself for destroying that, which confused him a lot. Since when had he cared that Howard hated him?

More to the point, he realised with a jolt, when had he stopped loathing Howard? He sighed and stared up at the ceiling. If he was completely honest with himself, that wasn't the first dream about the zoo he'd had. But it was the first one that had made him feel guilty about what he and Howard had turned into…

_Apologise._

"Shut up, brain cell."

_Hey, I'm just doing my job mate._

"Yeah, well I don't need your input."

"Vince?"

He jumped and looked over at the door. Howard was stood there, watching him almost nervously.

"What do you want? Come to check I haven't snuck out?" Vince spat bitterly. Howard glanced at the window, which Vince suddenly realised he'd left unlatched. The look of surprise and the quick glance Howard sent him showed he'd noticed it as well. "Did you want anything?" he snapped.

Howard looked at him, an expression of confusion on his face. "Right. Ok. Well, Bollo says dinner's ready, so…"

"Howard?"

"Hmm?"

Vince took a deep breath. "About before, I just wanted to say…I'm…look, I'm really…" he sighed. "I could have gone out if I wanted to. Idiot."

Howard frowned lightly, but the look on his face told Vince he understood what he'd been about to say. "Ok. Well, like I said…dinner."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Howard let out a deep breath as he closed the bedroom door. Vince had apologised. First. Again.

Ok, so he hadn't actually apologised, but Howard felt sure that's what he'd been about to say. What did that _mean_ though? Howard would have been lying if he claimed that it didn't make him feel slightly happier…but when had he started caring what Vince did? Or thought for that matter?

Although he hadn't gone out. Howard had noticed the window unlocked, and he knew he'd put the latch on earlier. So clearly Vince had thought about sneaking out…but had decided not to…why?

This was all much too confusing. It was just the body swap messing with his head. Perfectly understandable, who wouldn't freak out after finding themselves trapped in the body of their worst enemy?

Dinner was tense. Probably, Howard realised, because he wasn't used to eating with other people. Naboo and Bollo were talking in low voices to each other, occasionally shooting him suspicious glances. Vince sat staring at his plate, acting like he didn't want to be there. Howard felt a sudden pang of anxiety. Is that how he looked when he was out in public? No wonder no-one talked to him…maybe it wasn't just because they were all too self-obsessed and Howard didn't fit in with their style. Maybe it was because he just sat there looking like a slapped arse.

He finished his meal is thoughtful silence, before escaping quickly into the bedroom. He sat down in front of the mirror and gazed at his reflection. Or rather, Vince's reflection. Looking at his face now, Howard felt a pang of disquiet and…almost longing. This was the Vince he remembered, without his mask of makeup he looked almost vulnerable. Without thinking Howard reached out and touched the mirror, as if he could touch the person he used to know instead of the twisted man someone had left in his place.

"What're you doing?"

Howard jumped and turned, flushing. "Nothing."

Vince frowned. "Whatever."

"What's your problem, Vince?" it was meant to be a genuine question, but the words came out barbed and harsh. Vince instantly bristled.

"I don't have a problem. You're the one with the fucking issues!"

"You couldn't even apologise earlier. And don't give me any bullshit; I know that's what you were going to say."

"And I'm glad I didn't now! You'd have just thrown it back in my face!"

"What, like you did with me before?"

Vince bunched his fists. "Yeah, and I tried to apologise for that."

"Tell me, can you ever think of anyone but yourself? You can dish it out but you can't take it, is that it?"

"Oh for fuck's…" Vince started forwards, fist raised threateningly, and Howard stepped backwards.

"Ah! Ah! Ah!" Howard reached onto the dressing table and grabbed a pair of scissors. "Stay where you are!"

"What're you going to do? Stab me? Bit stupid Howard, it's your body!"

Howard smiled. "I have no intention of stabbing anyone." he grabbed a lock of thick black hair and placed it between the blades of the scissors. "I think I can hurt you much more than stabbing you."

Vince paled, freezing in his tracks. "You wouldn't dare!"

"Try me."

"As if you would! You don't have the bottle; you know I'd just shave off the moustache if you did!"

Howard wasn't sure what made him do it; he'd never had any intention of carrying out the threat. Maybe it was Vince's certainty that he **wouldn't **do it, or maybe he was just sick of being in the deadlock situation of not being able to do anything without retaliation. He wasn't even aware of closing the scissors.

One second he was standing there smiling at Vince, the next there was a small gasp and a thick chunk of hair bounced off his shoulder and fell to the floor. Vince stared at him in horror.

"You cut my hair." he said quietly. He was looking at Howard as though he'd just walked in on him shooting kittens.

"Look, Vince, I didn't mean it. I'm sorry, that was crossing a line."

Vince looked like he was refraining himself from screaming. "You cut my hair. Now the moustache goes!"

"No!"

Vince turned away towards Howard's razor. "Sorry, Howard! No choice."

"You do that and I'll cut even more off. Give you the soldier look. Or how about completely bald? Your nose would look awful if you didn't have hair."

Vince turned to him; face contorted with anger, then froze. A giggle escaped from his throat, and he raised his hand to his mouth in shock as though he'd just sworn at the Queen or something.

"Vince?"

Vince suddenly exploded with laughter. Howard stepped forwards, concerned that the ruination of his hair had finally driven the younger man mad.

"You look ridiculous!" Vince chuckled. "I know I should be mad coz it's my hair, but…ha!"

Howard looked into the mirror. He'd cut off a bigger chunk than he'd realised, and it had given him the odd look of having his head on at the wrong angle.

"Payback!" Vince announced, grabbing the razor from Howard's shelf and waving it at him.

"No!" Howard tried to snatch it, but Vince held him at bay. He quickly pushed Howard away from him and darted over to the mirror, where with a quick swipe of the razor, half of Howard's precious moustache was gone.

"You'll pay for that!" Howard announced, although his voice wasn't as angry as he'd intended. To him it sounded almost amused. He leant over him and tried to snatch the razor.

"No!" Vince squealed, struggling away and making a run for it. Despite the fact that Howard was now smaller than him, he tried his best and leapt at Vince, tackling him to the floor, both of them laughing now. With one hand he tried to take the razor, but Vince twisted him over so he was pinning Howard to the floor.

"Apologise!"

"No chance!" Howard struggled to get up, but Vince kept him pinned, grinning delightedly.

"Hah! I'm stronger than you now! So apologise!"

"Make me."

"Fuck you."

"Bitch."

Vince blinked suddenly, the grin fading. Although the words were the same as they'd said a thousand times before, this was different. It felt like the old days, when they'd insult each other without meaning it. He suddenly realised Howard had stopped struggling and was looking up at him with a peculiar expression on his face.

"This is different, isn't it?" he said quietly.

"Yeah." Howard murmured back. He smiled softly, and Vince smiled back.

Vince suddenly realised he was still pinning him to the ground; which was one thing if you were fighting with someone, but could be construed as something entirely different when the person beneath you wasn't trying to get away…

Flushing slightly, he sat back and allowed Howard to get up. The other man sat there rubbing his wrists absently. "You're bleeding." he said suddenly.

"What?"

"You're bleeding." Howard reached forwards and gently wiped his thumb across Vince's top lip. "You must have cut yourself with the razor."

"Oh. Shit." Vince reached up and touched it, his fingers accidentally brushing Howard's, who snatched his hand back instantly. It occurred to Vince how stupid he must look with half a moustache and he chuckled softly. "We must look a right pair of idiots."

Howard thought about this, and then laughed. "Yeah." he shook his head, still smiling. "I shouldn't have cut your hair, I'm sorry."

"Nah, don't sweat it. I could do with a change of style." Vince reached out and ran his fingers through the thick hair. "It's not beyond salvation. Go to the right stylist, and with a bit of product you could still get a pretty genius style out of that." he looked into the mirror and snorted with laughter. "This on the other hand will have to all come off."

"Yeah." Howard frowned thoughtfully at Vince, studying his face. He covered the remaining half of his moustache with his fingers. "I suppose I don't look _too _terrible without it."

"I've been telling you that for years!" Vince protested. He grinned. "Maybe that's where I've been going wrong. Maybe instead of telling you I should have just shaved it off while you were sleeping!"

Howard tried to scowl at him, but failed miserably. "Don't you dare. Cutting my hair was bad enough, sir!"

"So you're going to grow it back to prove a point?"

"Howard Moon is bringing the moustache back, sir!" The strength of these words was diminished slightly by the slightly cockney accent. At least that's what Howard told himself when Vince rolled his eyes.

"Sure. Who exactly are you trying to bring it back _to_?"

"Erm…" he was cut off by 'Cars' blasting out from Vince's phone, making them both jump.

"Put it on speaker." Vince hissed, and Howard nodded.

"Hello…er, I mean, alright?"

"_Alright Vince! It's Chris._"

"Chris. Hi."

"_Listen, it's about the gig on Saturday. I was thinking we could get together, go on a little shopping trip, pick up some totally genius outfits, yeah?_"

"Erm…gig?" Howard looked over at Vince, confused.

"Ask him what gig." Vince mouthed.

"What gig?"

"_You know. Nathan's thing. At the Velvet Onion._"

"Oh. Yeah, sure. I'll see you tomorrow? About 2?"

"_Genius. Laters dude._"

Vince was looking near to a panic attack. "Fuck. You can't go shopping with him!"

"Why?"

"Because you have no fashion sense!" Vince bit his lip. "You're going to have to take me with you."

"And how can I do that and still 'blend in'? Would you take me on a shopping trip?"

"No." Vince frowned, then suddenly let out a gasp of horror. "My hair! You can't go out looking like that! Come on, I know a 24 hour barbers."

Howard didn't even know such things existed, but he decided not to mention that. Clearly these things were only available to the Camden elite.


	7. Chapter 7

Howard glanced in the mirror, teasing his hair up at the front. If he was honest, he did rather like Vince's shorter style. He was quite pleased with his look overall, he'd picked an outfit that wasn't too garish and bright, and he thought he looked quite good.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"What the hell are you wearing?!" Chris asked, staring at him in horror. Howard looked down at himself, confused. He thought he looked just like Vince normally did, so what was the problem?

"What's wrong with it?"

"Um…have you actually _seen_ Cheekbone recently? That shirt is so last week…and where did you get those shoes, 2007?"

"But it looks just like what you're wearing!" Howard protested.

"It looks nothing like it!" he gestured to his shoes. "These were released in the shops three hours ago!"

"So?"

The man blinked and sneered. "You're seriously losing your touch, Vince."

"Why, because I wore one year old shoes?"

"Exactly!" he looked pleased that Howard had cottoned on so quickly. Howard resisted the urge to thump him.

"I like these shoes! And this shirt! Why should I have to change them?"

"Because they're not in _fashion_. What's wrong with you? I reckon you've been spending too much time with your freaky flatmates."

"What's wrong with them?"

"The Gorilla's ok I suppose. But that shaman never changes his clothes!"

"He does! He's just got hundreds of the same outfit."

"It's a bit dull, isn't it? And don't even get me started on Howard!"

"Leave him alone!" Howard snapped, irritated. If he had to listen to one more of Vince's jumped up little friends putting him down…

"Why're you back to this??"

Howard blinked. _Back_ to this? "Back to what?"

"Defending him! Man, Vince, I thought you were cool! Why're you going back to defending Howard?"

Howard frowned. "When did he ever…I ever defend him?"

"You always used to! 'Howard's alright, leave him alone', 'Howard's genius, you should get to know him', 'I reckon the geography teacher look's gonna come in, in about fifteen years. He's just ahead of his time, that's all' - you got over that, so what's up with you?"

"If I want to defend him, that's up to me!" Howard sighed. "Anyway, whatever, I don't want to talk about him. Let's go."

"Um…sorry mate, but I'm busy."

"You arranged this!"

"Yeah, but…" he glanced over his shoulder. "That was before you started acting like a freak. Maybe some other time, loser."

Howard gaped at his retreating back. Had one of Vince's friends seriously just left him standing on a street corner because he was wearing last week's shirt and had defended Howard?

Was everyone like that? Was that why it had all changed? Howard pretty sure Vince had been nice at the zoo, some of the time anyway. And just after they'd moved - not much changed. After all, they'd had the band. But then suddenly **WHAM**! Bitch supreme Vince. After leaving the comfort of all his animal friends, Howard knew that the younger man had wanted to surround himself with as many human friends as possible, and he'd just assumed that Vince had moved on with his life and realised Howard wasn't worth bothering with - but was this all it was? Was it because his new friends hadn't liked Howard?

If so, then his behaviour suddenly started to make sense…he'd hit out at Howard in frustration at the world around him. And Howard, like the fool he was, had hit back.

_What if I hadn't?_ Howard wondered. _What if I'd endured the taunts and insults, laughed along with him when he was taking the piss? Would it all have died down?_

What if he'd made more of an effort, instead of refusing to change his image? What if he'd given at least some of Vince's music a chance?

What if…?

What if…?

He'd always thought Vince had changed, become meaner, and that he, Howard, had remained a lovable character unwilling to let anyone break his spirit.

But what if he was wrong?

_Oh God…how much of this is my fault?_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Vince looked up as Howard sidled into the room. "Alright? I thought you were with Chris."

"He was…erm…something came up."

Vince frowned suspiciously, but didn't say anything.

"So…I was thinking….do you fancy going to the pub?"

Vince's eyes widened. "The pub? With _you_?"

"It was just a thought."

Vince shrugged. "Ok sure, why not?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

They walked in silence. Howard kept his head bowed to avoid catching anyone's eye accidentally.

"I'm beginning to understand why my neck aches." Vince said, rubbing it absently. "Well, technically your neck."

"What?"

"You! Always keeping your head down, watching the pavement!"

"I don't like making eye contact, Vince, you know that."

"Well…could you lift your head up? You're making me look like an idiot."

"Thanks, Vince."

"I didn't mean it like that, Howard."

"Really?" Howard noticed Vince wince slightly at the note of genuine surprise in his voice. Did that mean Vince cared about hurting him? Howard felt a not uncomfortable twinge in his stomach at that thought. He decided to ignore it.

"Really. Now, we're nearly there so just try and keep your head up for the rest of the journey."

"Ok."

Vince smiled, and Howard was surprised to see it was a genuine smile that reached his eyes. He smiled back, and Vince's smile transformed into a grin.

"Oi, Vince!"

Vince groaned. "No. Please just go away!"

"Vince, I'm talking to you!"

Vince and Howard turned to see a group of about five young men walking towards them, dressed in the usual attire of skinny jeans and tight fitting shirts. Howard wondered if they realised they were about as individual as an amoebae. Probably not. They probably thought they were original and unique, and that everyone else was copying them. Idiots.

"Harry." Vince hissed to Howard.

"What?"

"The one talking. He's called Harry."

"Alright Harry?" Howard said weakly.

"Yeah. What're you doing with _him_?"

"We're going to the pub." Vince said firmly. Howard shot him a startled look. Surely that went against protecting his reputation?

"Erm…yeah. Pub."

"Why? I didn't think you liked him?"

"He's right there!" Howard protested. Harry didn't even look over. It was as if 'Howard' didn't even register on his radar.

"Coz you said, you said he was a loser and…"

"Shut up!" Vince snapped angrily, a hint of panic in his voice. "Don't say anything else!"

Harry glanced at him. "But he said it, not me! He said you were a loser and a wannabe and that his life would be better if you died or something!" he smirked, looking quite pleased with himself.

Vince shot a horrified glance at Howard, who was looking at him in stunned disbelief.

"What? When was this?" Howard asked quietly.

"Don't deny it now, Vince! It was after Jack's party, you remember? We were completely shit-faced and having a great time, and then your phone rang and it was him, and then you said it. Perfectly reasonable, you don't need to deny it."

Vince shook his head in a desperate apology, but the group laughed, interpreting it differently. "Aw, he's all upset. What, did you actually think you were friends? Freak."

Vince reached out his hand towards Howard, but the other man hissed angrily. "Don't fucking touch me!"

"Good plan, Vince, you might catch something. Hey Harold, when did you last wash? Your hair looks awful."

Vince bit his lip. The stuff they were saying _hurt_, even though it wasn't technically him they were having a go at. Was this how Howard felt? This was exactly how he, Vince, had treated him even back when he would have called them friends. So many times Vince had insulted him, laughed at him, mocked him. And Howard had taken it all. But was this how he'd felt? Did he just…cover it up?

He didn't feel guilty about anything he'd said recently, these days Howard gave as good as he got, but…there was a time, before everything had changed, when Howard had been unwilling to give up on their tenuous friendship. Vince had yelled and cussed and Howard had sat there and taken it or ignored him, which had made Vince even angrier. And so the insults had got worse, the humiliation attempts increased, until one day Howard had snapped and yelled back at him. And from then on that was the dynamic. He could barely remember a time when he'd needed and depended on Howard, everything had changed so much since those days.

It was only now that Vince realised maybe not that much had changed after all. In a weird way, he and Howard still needed each other. You still couldn't have one without the other, because else who would he fight with?

Vince could still remember the first time Howard had hit him during one of their blazing arguments. Vince had yelled at him and stormed off in shock, then that night cried himself to sleep for the first time in years.

The next time it happened, it had been Vince who threw the first punch.

But what if he hadn't? What if, after that first time, he'd stayed where he was? Cried where Howard could see him? Would he have laughed at Vince for being pathetic…or would he have calmed instantly, apologising for what he'd done and held him until he stopped crying like he had when they were younger? He'd always been so quick to blame Howard for everything, it had never occurred to him that maybe he had inflamed the situation.

_Oh God…how much of this is my fault?_

* * *

Vince hurried into the flat, praying Howard would be there. He'd practically run away from Harry and his jeering mates (Vince couldn't even remember their names. How could he really call them friends?). Vince had tried everywhere Howard liked to go, and he wasn't anywhere. He couldn't think of anywhere else the other man could have gone.

"Howard?" he called, looking around. Nothing. "Howard?" he went into the bedroom and gave a sigh of relief. "There you are…" he took in the sight before him; clothes out on the bed and a bag… "What're you doing?"

"I thought it would be best if I wasn't here."

"You can't move out Howard, that's not fair."

Howard rounded on him. "No, you know what isn't fair, Vince? Your attitude."

"_My _attitude?!"

"Yes! Here was me thinking we were finally starting to get on a bit better, and then I find out you said something like that!"

"We are getting on better, but you…"

"Did you mean it?"

Vince stuttered. "I was drunk."

"That's not what I asked. Did. You. Mean. It?"

Vince bit his lip and hung his head. "I…don't know. Maybe…at the time…"

Despite having already suspected this, Howard felt like he'd just been punched in the gut. To think that the man he'd once thought of as his best friend could actually say he wanted him dead… "Why?" he asked, slightly embarrassed when his voice cracked. "I mean, I know we haven't got on at all lately but I've never once wished you were dead. What did I do that was so terrible, Vince?"

"Nothing!" Vince shook his head. "I was just…I was angry, and then you rang me and they saw who was on caller ID and they were giving me grief, taking the piss about my husband checking up on me…and then I said it. I'm sorry, Howard."

"That's not going to cut it, Vince." Howard's voice sounded broken and disgusted. "You know, the ironic thing is that this trip to the pub was me trying to make an effort. I can't believe I actually thought this might be my fault..."

"Howard, I don't mean it now! I wouldn't want you to die…"

"That's not the point." Howard said softly. "The point is you meant it when you said it."

"Howard you can't move out…"

"Why? Because you're afraid I'll embarrass you? Or that I'll, God forbid, choose to stay somewhere _I_ like instead of somewhere trendy?" he picked up his bag and walked out of the room.

"No, because I don't want you to leave!"

There was a moment's silence, and then he heard the front door close and hung his head, a single tear escaping and running down his cheek.

**

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**

I'm really not sure where to take it from here - should Howard have left? Or should he stay and try and talk to Vince? I just don't know!

**Reviews are rewarded with love and cookies :)**


	8. Chapter 8

**Not quite two updates in one day (sorry Rose!), but still a nice fast update I think :) **

* * *

Vince stayed sat on the bedroom floor for hours, feeling horribly like he'd lost something. This was really confusing; a week ago he'd have been happy never to see Howard again, now he was actually gone and Vince hated it.

He sighed. There was no way he could handle trying to sort out his feelings right now, so he did the thing he always did when stuff got too hard to handle.

He went to the pub.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Howard walked for an hour before he realised he had no-where to go. He sat down on a low wall and thought. Now he was out here, leaving didn't seem such a good idea. Where on earth _could _he go? He supposed he could go to Lester's, although he might wonder why 'Vince' was there.

Howard sighed. Maybe he should go back, talk to Vince about this. After all, was it really so terrible; what he'd done? Now that he'd calmed down, Howard wasn't quite so sure that it was. The younger man had been drunk after all…

_So what? Being drunk doesn't mean anything._ Howard was surprised to realise that he was making excuses for Vince in order to forgive him. Which, although maybe not the healthiest thing, was exactly what he used to do. Which was strangely…comforting.

Did he want to forgive Vince though? Did he want to go back to the way things were? Ok, so maybe it was a more comfortable existence than the constant fights he had to live with now, but he wasn't exactly happy, was he? He had to admit he did miss the crimping. And the adventures (although he wasn't sure if they could get those back - the last big 'adventure' he could remember them going on together was when they got stuck on that island. And that was long before they even started to fall apart). And he did sort of miss Vince's constant attempts to breach the 'no touching' rule.

He missed _Vince_.

The realisation hurt him. Not only because he didn't think it was possible for him to still care for the younger man, but because he was sure it was too late. Maybe if he'd spoken up when things first started to get bad things would be different, but now Vince was too far gone.

Or was he?

He had said he didn't want Howard to leave. And he had seemed genuinely devastated when Harry had mentioned what he'd said. Had that happened only a few weeks before Howard felt certain Vince would have joined in with the laughter. He certainly wouldn't have come to find him so quickly, if at all.

Howard got out his phone and called for a taxi. Maybe he should just get out of London for a few days, clear his head. He didn't like the idea of not being able to keep an eye on Vince, but right now he didn't want to face him.

_You're a bloody coward Howard Moon._

"Shut up." he murmured to himself.

_Running away when things get hard, like you always do._

"I'll be coming back."

_Will you? Or will you keep inventing reasons not to have to see him?_

He heard a car stop near him. "Howard Moon?" the driver called over. Howard nodded and stood up, grabbing his bag and climbing into the backseat. "Where to mate?"

_Where to?_ Howard thought. _Vince or somewhere new? Backwards or forwards?_ Howard looked at his reflection in the taxi window, his eyes tracing over Vince's features. He thought about the look on Vince's face after he'd found out what he'd said. He thought about their laughter after he'd cut his hair. He thought about all the good times they'd spent together back in the zoo.

Then he thought about the insults. The constant picking at him, the ugly smirk that came over Vince's face when Howard reacted. He remembered the graffiti, the cruel laughter, the destruction of what he cared about.

Howard's face hardened as he made his decision. He told the driver where he wanted to go and sat back as the car started, regretting it almost instantly.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Alright mate?"

Vince frowned at the stranger. There was something familiar about him, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it.

"I'm sorry, do I know you?"

"Shouldn't think so."

Vince blinked. "You're not trying to come on to me, are you?"

The man laughed. "Hell no, my friend. Tell me what's up."

Ordinarily, Vince would probably have told him to piss off and mind his own business, but he'd already had a few Flirtinis and, after all, what harm could come of it?

"What's normally up?" he grunted.

"A woman?"

"A man actually." there was a second's pause, and then Vince gasped. "I mean, not like that. He's just my friend. At least he was. Not any more."

"And you want him back, yes?"

"I'm not sure." Vince hesitated. "Truth is, we've been fighting for months now. I hated him. I genuinely hated him. But…something changed. And now I'm not sure."

"There's a fine line, you know. Between hate and…love."

Vince snorted. "When it comes to me and this guy, it's not a fine line. It's a very thick line. You could probably see the line from space."

"The lady doth protest too much, methinks"

Vince frowned in confusion. "What? What lady?"

"It's Shakespeare you cretin."

"Whatever."

"Look mate, I don't know all the details, but you look pretty cut up about someone you supposedly hate."

"Yeah, well." Vince glared moodily at his Flirtini. "It doesn't matter how I feel. He hates me. He hates me because I pushed him away and I bullied him and I ruined his life."

"Wow. Bummer."

"You know what's weird? When I first met him, he _was_ my life. He saved me from my family, my school, everything. Without him, I'd have been a nobody."

"You still are, mate. Least, I've never heard of you."

Vince smiled. "Oh, you have. I'm sure of it. You just wouldn't recognise me right now; I don't look myself." he sighed. "He kept me grounded. And I resented him for it. I became convinced that without him dragging me down I could be better, richer, more successful. But looking back now…" Vince frowned. "Looking back, since we started fighting I've gone downhill." he'd never really thought about it before, but it was true. Since falling out with Howard, his music had taken a backseat to partying and getting shit-faced every night. He'd not done a paid gig in months. "I needed him." he sighed. "I still need him."

"But in what sense?"

Vince glowered at the man. "Sod off, mate." he muttered, downing his drink and walking out of the bar. He kicked a can moodily as he walked, pushing past people and ignoring the dark looks they shot at him. The stranger's words kept echoing in his head, and it was doing nothing to help him sort out his confusion.

Why did this have to happen now? Why did Harry have to open his big fat mouth and tell Howard what he'd said? Actually, why the hell had he even **said** it? It wasn't like him; he was supposed to be the sunshine kid, that was just…sick. Maybe he should go back to the flat, talk to Naboo maybe…

"Oi, Harold!"

Vince looked round to see Harry and his friends walking towards him.

"What now?" he snapped. He really wasn't in the mood for this.

"Ooh, look at him! Still upset about Vince?" they laughed, and Vince saw red.

"Just shut the fuck up Harry."

The laughter died instantly to be replaced by anger. "Did I say you could call me by my name? Did I?"

"Who are you, the sodding queen?"

Harry stepped forwards and swung his fist. With a speed Vince would never have guessed Howard's body was capable of he ducked away, grabbed Harry and pinned him against the wall.

"Get the fuck off me you freak!" Harry spat, struggling. Vince smiled. He was stronger now, and that thought made him feel powerful. These men couldn't touch him.

"Say you're sorry." Vince said, slamming him against the wall again.

"Why, because you can't handle the fact that Vince hates you? It's pathetic!"

"I don't hate him!" Vince yelled in his face. "And you've ruined everything you stupid jumped up little…" he released him and turned away, only to spin round and punch him in the face as hard as he could. Vince heard a crunch and Harry fell instantly, cupping his face in his hands. Vince hoped his nose was broken.

"Fucking get him!" Harry spat. "Teach the bastard a lesson!"

Vince spun around to see them advancing on him. He felt a momentary surge of panic, after all they did outnumber him, but then he saw the nervousness in their eyes and smiled.

"Really?!" he asked loudly, stepping towards them with his fist raised. The man at the front faltered, glancing over his shoulder to check his friends were still there. "Any of you?!"

The men glanced at each other, then at Harry who was still sat on the floor clutching his nose. As one, they turned and ran. Vince nodded in satisfaction, then crouched down next to Harry. "Just so you know." he said quietly. "You come near either of us again and I can make you very sorry."

"Next time I see you you're fucking dead you…oof!"

He was cut off when Vince kicked him in the stomach. Not hard, but enough to make him fall backwards. Vince saw blood spatter on the pavement and suddenly felt fear grip his chest as what he'd just done came crashing down on his senses. He'd just hurt someone. Badly. Howard could get in serious trouble for this! Horrified, Vince turned and fled, heart pounding. That was so unlike him, but when Harry had tried to punch him, anger and instinct had taken over…

Vince froze as a thought came to him. How often did that happen? He'd always known people took the piss out of Howard, but he'd never thought about how far that could go. Had they chosen to take him on just then they could have done some serious damage. And Howard wasn't like him. He wouldn't defend himself. Vince felt sick as he thought about what Howard might have been putting up with without telling him, for fear of Vince accusing him of just being jealous that he had friends…

He looked up; only just realising he had no idea where he was going. He blinked. He was stood next to a large cemetery, one he recognised but hadn't been to in years. He hesitated then walked in, making his way through the headstones until he found himself next to a familiar, weather beaten lump of marble.

"Hi, mum." he said softly, sitting down. "I know I look like Howard, but it's me, it's Vince. I promise." He swallowed. "I'm sorry I haven't brought you anything. It's been a while since I was last here, I know…" he bent his head. "Everything's just so messed up, you know? I said something stupid and now Howard hates me. He hated me before but…mum, you should have seen his face when he found out. And now he's gone and I don't know what to do." tears ran down his face, "you'd know what to do. You always did." he sobbed, "I miss you so much, mum. I've fucked everything up, and I just need someone to tell me it's gonna be ok." he leant his forehead against the headstone, as though hoping to draw some comfort from the cold marble. "Please tell me it's gonna be ok."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Vince didn't know how long he sat there, talking about everything that was wrong that he'd not told anyone about before, but it was fully dark before he realised he was getting cold. "I have to go now, mum. I'll come back. I promise." he patted the headstone. "As me next time…hopefully." he stood up and brushed off his trousers, walking out of the graveyard. It took him a long time to get back to the flat, and he was exhausted and freezing cold by the time he pushed open the front door.

"Naboo? Bollo? Anyone here?"

Hearing no reply, Vince sank miserably down onto the sofa. Maybe Howard's body was corrupting him, making him moody and miserable.

"Vince."

Vince jumped about a foot in the air and spun his head round. Howard was stood in the doorway, watching him.

"You came back."

"Yeah. Yeah, I did." he put down his bag. "I think we need to talk."


	9. Chapter 9

"I'm sorry." Vince blurted out before Howard could say anything else. "I swear I don't want you dead, Howard."

Howard bit his lip. "But you did."

"No! Maybe." Vince sighed, unsure of how to explain himself. "I just meant I didn't want you around! And even if I _did_ mean that I actually wanted you to…y'know…die, it would have literally been when I said it. For about 5 seconds when I was drunk out of my mind and under the influence of God knows what else…" Howard's head shot up and it belatedly occurred to Vince that the other man probably had no idea he took drugs, "…but that's all it was."

Howard just looked at him. Vince shifted uncomfortably but didn't break his gaze.

"Ok." Howard said quietly.

"Ok?"

"But what about the rest of it, Vince? Maybe all the other stuff you've done isn't as bad, but…"

"You've not exactly been an angel."

Howard opened his mouth to retort, then sighed and shook his head. "I'm tired, Vince. I'm just so tired of having to be the person you make me into."

Vince hung his head. "I know."

"But you don't, that's the thing. Being you…it's made me have a good look at the man I've become and…it's just too hard, Vince."

"You're not the only one who's changed into something they don't always like." Vince said bitterly.

"I know."

"Do you?"

"More than you realise. Something Chris said to me earlier…" Vince's head shot up. "I didn't realise you used to defend me to your mates."

Vince shrugged, embarrassed. "Well, you were my friend."

"So what changed? And don't say I did, because you know you were the one to start all this off."

"I…don't know."

"Right."

Vince frowned, thinking. "Although…I know what started it off." he said slowly.

"What?"

"It was the island."

"What island?"

"The one we got stranded on. You know, with all the rancid coconuts."

"What about it?" Howard frowned.

"We only had each other. It should have been nice, yeah? A chance to reconnect without all the shit from the real world interfering. We were the only two people on that island so what did you do? You talked to a fucking coconut. You would rather drive yourself mad talking to a fucking nut than talk to me."

"That wasn't real though, was it? It was hallucinations caused by…"

"What, we both had the same dream did we? Look, I don't know what the hell happened, ok, but it was real."

"So what if it **was **real? You were fine, you went off and created yourself a whole bunch of new friends!"

"Because I realised you didn't need me." Vince said quietly. Howard faltered.

"What?"

"You didn't need me. That was the first time in my life that I felt like it wouldn't make any difference to you if I was around or not."

"How could you even think that?" Howard asked quietly. "In case you'd forgotten, you'd been taking the piss with your sodding coconut lodge!"

"Yeah because you'd drawn that stupid line in the sand! We both know I'd have let you stay if you'd asked."

"It's easy to say that now. You were loving it, watching me suffer with only a piece of metal for a shelter."

"Oh fuck off, Howard. I'm trying to apologise here and you're just turning it into some big self pity 'oh lets all feel sorry for Howard' thing. You are not the only person in the world with problems, ok?"

"Oh yeah, because yours are so much more important aren't they? 'Oh no, I've broken a fingernail', 'ooh, my hairs a fraction of a millimetre out of place'…" he broke off when Vince slapped him.

There was a seconds silence when both looked at the other in complete surprise.

"I'm so sorry." Vince whispered, raising a hand to touch Howard's cheek. Howard stepped back.

"It doesn't matter."

"It does though. Oh God. I can't even apologise to you properly without it escalating into another fight. What happened to us, Howard? I mean, even before we started fighting all the time, when was the last time we crimped or anything?"

"People grow apart, Vince."

"But not us! We weren't supposed to grow apart. We were supposed to be friends forever. Honestly, Howard, you don't even like me anymore do you?" It was supposed to be rhetorical, but that wasn't the way it came out.

Howard hesitated. "A few days ago I'd have said no." he admitted.

"And…now?"

Howard considered him. It still felt weird, looking into his own eyes, but at the same time he felt sort of used to it. "Now I'm not so sure. You?"

Vince reached out and gently stroked a lock of black hair. This time, Howard didn't pull away. "It's quite hard to hate you when you look like me." he paused. "That came out wrong."

Howard laughed, any ill feeling from the slap forgotten about. "I'll bet it did, you cheeky bitch."

"Please don't move out." Vince said softly.

"Ok. I suppose I could stay." he sighed. "Truth be told, it's not like I had anywhere else to go."

Vince felt guilt twist slightly at his stomach. "No…I mean permanently. Don't move out."

Howard frowned. "What?"

"At jazzercise, that old geezer Horace said you'd been asking about renting a room at his house. One's become available."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Howard demanded, irritation flickering inside.

"Because I don't want you to go."

"Because you don't want _me_ to go, or because you'd miss having someone to put down?"

Vince stared at him. "That's not fair Howard. I'm trying here."

Howard sighed. "I know you are, Vince. But…"

"…it's not enough." Vince finished.

"You've said you want rid of me so many times, Vince. And then to find out you said…what you said…"

"I thought I wanted you to go, but…when I found out you'd actually looked for somewhere to move to…I told him no. I could have accepted it, but I fobbed him off with an excuse. I told him no."

Howard opened and closed his mouth a few times, seemingly at a loss as to what to say. "I'm not sure I can have this conversation right now." he said eventually. He hesitated. "But thank you." he got up and went into the bedroom, smiling awkwardly at Vince before closing the door. Vince sighed, leaning his head back against the sofa cushions.

_That could have gone better, _he thought bitterly. Mind you, even without him losing his temper and hitting Howard it would probably have helped if he'd fully understood what he was talking about. He still couldn't _quite _figure out why he'd done a complete U-turn on the whole 'living with Howard' situation. But, since this body switch, things seemed…different somehow.

He'd always been with Howard, ever since the zoo, after Naboo had asked them both to move in with him…wait.

No. That wasn't how it happened…Vince blinked as a memory he'd completely forgotten rose to the surface…

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"_I cant believe it's gonna close!"_

"_I know. I thought I'd grow old in this place."_

"_**Grow **__old? You're already old Howard."_

_Howard looked at him. "How old do you think I am?"_

_Vince shrugged, sticking his tongue out cheekily. "67?"_

"_shut up." Howard said, shoving him playfully. Vince giggled. "So what're you going to do now, then?"_

"_I'm moving in with Naboo! It's gonna be genius!"_

"_Sounds…great. I'll probably end up going back to Leeds."_

"_But…aren't you coming with me?" Vince sounded hurt._

"_I haven't been invited, Vince. I cant just move myself into Naboo's flat without asking first."_

"_So ask! Come on, Howard, you and me! It'll be better than genius!"_

"_I'm not gonna ask Naboo if I can move in, Vince."_

_Vince chewed his lip thoughtfully. "Can I come to Leeds with you then?"_

"_What? But I thought you wanted to move in with Naboo?"_

"_I do, but…It'd be weird not having you around. I wanna stick with you."_

_Howard stared at him, surprised. Vince went red and looked down at his boots._

"_Alright, Vince? You ready to go?"_

_They both looked up at Naboo._

"_Hey, Naboo. Any chance there's a spare room in this flat of yours?" Howard asked, spurred on by Vince's comment._

_Naboo didn't even look at him. "Sorry, no. Come on Vince, are you ready?"_

_Vince looked over at Howard. "Oh go on, Naboo, cant Howard move in too?"_

"_There's no room. Are you coming or not? I don't trust Bollo alone on the carpet."_

"_So there's room for a 40 year old gorilla but not for me?"_

"_He's my familiar, I cant go anywhere without him. Vince?"_

_Vince looked anxiously between Naboo and Howard, and then his face lit up in a grin. "We can share!"_

"_What?"_

"_Me and Howard, we can share a room! There'd be enough space then! Oh go on, Naboo! Please?"_

_The shaman rolled his eyes and sighed. "Fine. But I still want full rent from both of you."_

"_Genius! Cheers Naboo, you're a diamond." Vince turned and grinned at Howard. "Come on, get your stuff together! Vince and Howard off on another adventure!"_

_Howard grinned back. His excitement was infectious._

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Vince suddenly wanted to cry.


	10. Chapter 10

**Over half this chapter was typed with a broken arm - the things I put myself through for fan fiction! Lol. It took bloody ages. Enjoy!**

* * *

The next morning when Howard woke up, the bed on the other side of the room was empty and had clearly not been slept in. Howard frowned, making his way out to the kitchen, freezing when he saw Vince curled up on the sofa, a frown on his face. Vince as himself might do that often enough, but Howard's body was just a bit too big for the piece of furniture, and he looked quite uncomfortable. Howard's heart softened as he realised Vince must have been trying to give him some space, despite the obvious discomfort from sleeping on the sofa. His back was going to kill him later…

_Good._ Howard thought, his anger and hurt from the previous day not quite forgotten. _Besides, he's made me sleep there countless times before._ But for some reason Howard just couldn't muster up the emotions he knew he should be feeling. He just felt sorry for the younger man…

"Vince?" Howard whispered softly. There was no response. He stepped forwards and laid a hand on the other man's forearm. "Vince?"

"Hmm…g'way. Five more minutes."

"It's morning, li…Vince."

Vince sat up, wincing slightly as his back straightened out. "Fuck. I reckon we should get a bigger sofa, this one's much too small."

"Back trouble?" Howard teased. Vince glared.

"You've had it before, no need to look so happy."

"Sorry." Howard said with a smile.

"You know, I've stopped expecting to wake up back in my body." Vince said. "It's…weird how quickly I've gotten used to being you."

Howard thought about this. "I know what you mean."

"Howard?"

"What?"

"What…what if we never change back?"

"We will Vince." Howard said firmly. "Naboo's working on it."

"But it's been ages."

"It's been about 6 days."

"Yeah, that's ages!"

"It'll be fine. It always is, yeah?" Howard smiled. "This is sort of like the old days."

Vince gave him a mocking look and rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I remember how we used to switch bodies all the time."

"I'll make some tea." Howard shook his head and turned towards the kitchen. He knew what he'd meant - it had been like the old days with Vince needing his reassurance and comfort. It had been…nice. But Howard got the feeling Vince might not understand that. He heard Vince get up and go into the bathroom and unconsciously reached up to touch his hair, remembering how long the younger man normally took to get ready. He still felt a bit guilty about cutting Vince's hair - even before he felt the need to hide behind the glitter and the makeup his hair had been his pride and joy. The day he'd dyed it black the younger man had actually cried, afraid he'd done the wrong thing by his precious 'do…

"Are you gonna make that tea or what?"

Howard started, realising he hadn't even got as far as boiling the kettle. "Yeah, I'm doing it now." he insisted. He turned to face Vince and realised he'd shaved. "Do you mind? I'm trying to grow that moustache back you know."

"And when it's your face again, you be my guest." Vince looked around. "Any food?"

"I dunno. Check the cupboards."

Vince pulled open the nearest cupboard. "Ok, the cupboard is _actually_ empty. I didn't think that was even possible." he went and pulled open the fridge door. "Nothing in here either! Except milk for the tea…" he sniffed the bottle and grimaced, jerking it away from his face. "Actually scrap that, there's not even milk. This stuff smells like it's been here since last year…"

"Black tea and no breakfast it is then!" Howard glanced in irritation towards Naboo's bedroom. "Honestly, you think he could have noticed all the foods gone and been shopping."

Vince frowned. "Hold on though, there was food yesterday!"

"So…what? Naboo got stoned and ate it all in the night?"

"Wouldn't be the first time." Vince bit his lip. "Howard?"

"Yeah?"

"Are we gonna talk about last night? Now we're a bit less emotional, I mean."

Howard looked away. "I said all I needed to. It's behind us, yeah?"

"But it's not, is it? I know you, remember. The smallest thing will send you into a massive sulk - like that time I threw away one of your god-awful shirts you didn't speak to me for three days - and yet here you are acting like nothing's happened."

"It's called moving on. You made a mistake, its over."

"But-"

"Keep an eye on the tea, will you? I'm going to…um…get dressed or something."

"Don't walk away from me. We need to talk about this!"

"Just leave it, Vince." Howard muttered, shutting the bedroom door behind him with a snap.

* * *

Howard successfully managed to avoid him for the rest of the day. Every time Vince tried to talk to him he somehow managed to find something else that needed doing.

"We're going out." Naboo announced that evening. "Bollo's got a DJ gig."

"Right." Vince replied distractedly, his focus on yet another Friends episode on E4.

"We'll be back tomorrow."

"Cool. See ya later!"

Once they'd gone, Vince turned the telly off with a sigh. Just him and Howard now. Surely he could get the other man to talk to him? He was still slightly weirded out by just how quickly everything had changed for him. He wasn't used to this; having to clamour for someone else's attention. These days what, or who, Vince Noir wanted, Vince Noir got.

He knocked on the bedroom door and pushed it open without waiting for a response. Howard was curled up on his bed, fast asleep. Vince rolled his eyes. It was only 10pm.

"Howard?" Vince perched on the side of the bed and shook him by the shoulder. "Oi, Howard!"

Howard opened his eyes. "What do you want?"

"I want to talk to you. About yesterday."

Howard groaned. "Oh for God's sake, Vince, will you leave it alone?!"

"No."

"Look, I've got rather a lot to deal with right now, we both have, so lets just forget that bit of drama ok?"

Vince ignored him. "Do you remember how we were back at the zoo?"

"Vince, I just said…"

"Just answer the question!"

"Vaguely." Howard sighed and sat up. "Although I'm not sure how much of it was real, now."

"I used to look up to you _so_ much, you know? You were like my hero. You had a way with the animals, you were the only person to care about me in…well, my whole life to be honest." he frowned. "Only, when we moved…I dunno, it was like you became someone different." Howard opened his mouth to protest, but Vince carried on hurriedly. "I mean, I know you didn't, not right away. But how I…looked at you changed, maybe? I dunno. But suddenly you weren't someone important, or someone I had to impress or look up to, you were just…Howard."

"And that's a bad thing?"

"I dunno." Vince looked down at him. "Is it?"

"What do you mean?"

"It was like you…shrank into yourself. Like without me constantly looking up to you, you didn't see the point of trying to better yourself, or chasing your dreams any more."

Howard shook his head and looked at Vince. The words he'd been about to say died on his tongue and he sighed. "Maybe I didn't."

"Why?"

"You know what my childhood was like. You say I was the first person to care about you; well you were pretty much the first person to care about me. Before you came along I was just Howard Moon, a college drop-out working at some tiny under-funded zoo managed by an insane pervert. But then when you were there…I was important. I meant something, I wasn't a failure. And I know you used to take the piss a lot, and we'd have fights, and there were those rumours you started about me and Jack…"

"That weren't me!"

"Vince, we both know it was. But despite that…I don't know. I felt like I belonged. Like you needed me. And then we came here, and you made all these other friends, and you didn't need me any more…"

"Of course I needed you! I'd just lost all my animal friends, we'd moved somewhere I'd never been before, I didn't fit in with any of the animals around here…why do you think I had to go out and make so many human friends? It felt like you were constantly testing me, waiting for me to slip up and prove what a crap person I am."

"You're not a crap person."

"Really?" Vince smiled ironically. "So how I've been treating you, that's the sign of a good person, is it?"

"And I really helped the situation, didn't I? If I wasn't so certain the world was against me, maybe I'd have noticed you hadn't changed so much."

"Yeah, but…" Vince giggled suddenly.

"What?"

"How mad is this? We're each trying to claim it's our own fault!"

"Makes a change from so much blame."

"Hmm." they sat in silence for a few minutes. "Howard?"

"Yes Vince?"

"I'm…" _I'm glad this happened. I'm glad we're getting better. I'm so sorry for everything. _"I'm sorry I turned into such a tit-box."

"Yeah. So am I."

"Sorry I turned into a tit-box? Or sorry you did?"

Howard laughed, and Vince grinned back. "Both!"

"Charming!"

"Of course." Howard rubbed his eyes sleepily. "What time is it?"

"Only 10. You're like an old man!"

"I must look like one too." Howard muttered, yawning. "I'm surprised you're not running around screaming for your straightners and eyeliner to 'sort me out'."

"Nah. You're beautiful." Vince said without thinking. Howard chuckled.

"God, you really are a total narcissist aren't you?"

Vince grinned back. "Hey, it's not my fault God made me perfect!"

But inside his stomach was clenched. That wasn't what he meant - sure, he knew that with makeup on and his hair perfectly styled he could pretty much get anyone he wanted. But when he was like Howard was now - 2 days worth of stubble growth, face completely clear of makeup, hair still scruffy from sleep - this was when Vince Noir would look in the mirror and hate himself. He thought he was far from beautiful…and yet when he looked at the face opposite his now he couldn't think of anything he'd change about it.

The grin faded as he realised he still had eye contact with Howard. The other man's forehead was creased in a frown, and Vince's throat suddenly felt very dry. He licked his lips nervously, wondering how much of what he'd been thinking had shown on his face. Wondering what Howard thought about it. Wondering why he was so comfortable that they were sat so close, just looking at each other, how easy it would be to just lean forwards and… He shook his head hurriedly. "Although I suppose some eyeliner couldn't hurt…"

"I'm about to go to sleep, Vince. Who's gonna see me?"

"I suppose." he stood up. "I'll let you get back to sleep."

"Right. Night, Vince."

"Night."

Howard watched the other man leave the room. He couldn't believe how quickly this had all happened. This time last week he would have happily killed Vince, but now…now he was able to think about Vince and see the sweet blonde-haired kid he'd first met. He was able to look at Vince's face in the mirror and once again notice the good things about him (not that he'd sat staring into the mirror for hours. No-sir! Howard Moon didn't do such things). He closed his eyes and began to drift off back to sleep.

It was another couple of hours before Vince came back in. he started towards his own bed then paused, changing direction to where his friend slept. The other man's face was contorted in a frown, and as Vince watched he whimpered slightly.

Hesitating for a moment, Vince sat down next to him and laid a hand comfortingly on his arm, stroking it softly until Howard quietened and the frown vanished.

"I know I've been a complete twat lately. But I am going to change, I swear." he whispered softly. "And I'm so sorry that I ever hurt you."

There was no response from the sleeping man beside him. Vince sighed and ran his fingers gently over his friend's pale face, brushing a lock of black hair off of it. He leant forwards and kissed Howard gently on the cheek, before laying back and putting his arms around his friend, hugging him as he fell asleep.

* * *

Vince woke up feeling strangely warm and comfortable. Somehow during the night they'd shifted position so Howard now had his arms wrapped around him. Vince smiled slightly, wondering how that had happened.

Rubbing his eyes sleepily he carefully got out of bed, so as not to wake Howard. He was lucky really that the jazz maverick hadn't woken in the night; he'd have probably been terrified at finding someone there with him. Vince slipped off the side of the bed…

Then promptly fell over when he realised the floor was a lot further away than it had been. Either that or he was shorter than he was before…

Vince's hands flew instantly to his face, running over his cheekbones, his nose, his mouth. He reached up and grabbed hold of his hair. Feeling the soft thickness he was more used to instead of just 'brown smoke'. Vince rushed over to the mirror and stared, a million different emotions running through him when he saw his own face looking back at him.

A huge grin spread over his face. "Ha!" he yelled in delight, running out of the room. "I'm back!" he yelled excitedly, running down the stairs and yanking open the front door. "I'm back, baby! Whoo!"

It was then he realised he was still wearing his pyjamas and hastily shut the door again. Then the manic grin was back and he raced upstairs again, bursting into the bedroom and flicking on the light. "Howard!"

"Whuzzat?" Howard muttered.

"Howard, we're back! We're us again!"

"What?" Howard stared at Vince in shock, then reached up to feel his own face. "Oh thank God!" he scrambled out of bed and ran to the mirror, staring at his face. "I never thought I would be so pleased to see my own face staring back at me!"

"We're back!" Vince yelled again, laughing in delight. Without thinking, he threw his arms around Howard's neck and the older man spun him round. "This is genius! Oh, I have to call Leroy and Chris and…oh, everybody! I feel like going partying!" with that he skipped out of the room. Howard stood there in the middle of the bedroom, his arms feeling strangely empty.

"Yeah. Genius." he mumbled. "Back to normal."

**

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	11. Chapter 11

_I can't believe I stopped noticing. The way his eyes sparkle when he smiles, the way he touches his face when he's nervous. The amount of effort he puts into keeping the flat tidy. I can't believe I never appreciated him before._

_I miss him._

_

* * *

_

How can I have not noticed? How can I have ever lived without his sunshine - I didn't even realise it had gone before, but now its absence is glaringly obvious.

_I miss him._

* * *

Howard looked up when he heard Vince enter the flat. They hadn't spoken at all since the spell - or whatever it was - had worn off. "Vince." he said shortly.

"Alright?" Vince didn't quite meet his gaze.

"That was a weird week, huh?"

"Yep."

Howard almost couldn't bare the awkward tension. This was, if anything, even worse than what they'd had before. At least then they'd both know where they stood. Now they were both tiptoeing around, exchanging generic pleasantries and uncertain as to whether the other would suddenly launch a scathing attack; uncertain where the boundaries were. The new feeling of closeness he'd thought they were developing seemed to have evaporated once the delight at being back to normal had faded away.

"So…you doing anything tonight?"

Vince shrugged. "I don't know. Might go out with Leroy."

"Sounds fun."

"Yeah." Vince shuffled awkwardly. "You…could come?"

Howard's head shot up. "Come?"

"You know, only if you want." Vince lowered his gaze, his cheeks pink.

"No, you're alright."

Vince seemed to slump. "Oh. Fair enough."

"Thank you, though. For inviting me. Maybe…maybe some other time, hey?"

Vince smiled hesitantly. "Yeah." he stayed for a few seconds as if hoping for something else to happen, then walked into the bedroom and closed the door. Howard released a breath he hadn't even realised he was holding. Maybe they _were_ getting something back. Vince had invited him out. It was only a baby step, but at least it was something.

* * *

Later that evening Howard was sat on the sofa reading a book when Vince came out and sat down next to him.

"Um…can I watch MTV?"

"Thought you were going out with Leroy?"

"He cancelled."

"Oh. Um…I could read somewhere else if you want to watch telly."

"You don't have to…" Vince bit his lip. The conversation felt awkward and stilted. His eyes lit up as an idea came to him. "Come on." He stood up abruptly and turned back to Howard.

"What?" Howard looked up.

"Come on. Get off your big pumpkin arse, ok? We're going out."

"Where?" Howard asked warily.

"I don't know. Pub. Café. Whatever. Ooh! There's this new club just opened round the corner, let's go there!"

Howard looked back down at his book. "Why on God's green earth would I want to go there, Vince?"

Vince sighed exasperatedly. "Well I don't know, do I? Come on, Howard, I want to dance!"

"So go call up one of your many followers. I'm sure there's hundreds of people you could go with."

"Yeah, there are."

"Exactly."

"But I'm not asking them, am I? I'm asking you."

Howard looked up again, then. "Why though?"

"Howard, I meant what I said about changing. And if we don't make a bit more of an effort to make this work it's just gonna turn back into what it was before any of this happened."

Howard rolled his eyes. "You make us sound like a married couple or something."

Vince flushed slightly, but his voice remained steady. "Well we are, pretty much. We've lasted longer than most marriages."

"Hmm." Howard looked back at his book again and Vince sighed.

"Ok, fine." Howard heard him stomp into the bedroom and waited for the inevitable door slam, but it never came. Instead, he heard Vince walk back out and start fiddling with the CD player. Next second the room was filled with the sound of dance music. Not the sort of thing he'd normally listen to but it wasn't bad, he supposed.

"What're you doing, Vince?"

Vince walked over to him, plucked the book out of Howard's grip and threw it on the sofa, then held out his hand.

"You wont go somewhere with me, we'll just have to dance here."

"I'm not dancing with you."

"Why not?"

"Because. It's weird!"

"Why?"

Howard stuttered. "It just is! Dancing alone together."

Vince rolled his eyes. "Well I don't think it's weird. It's no weirder than dancing at a party, is it? Besides, no-one else is here."

"Well I don't know how to dance."

"Then I'll teach you."

"I…um…"

It was at that moment that Naboo walked in, staggering under the weight of a box that, if the noises inside it were anything to go by, Howard _really_ didn't want to know what contained. Vince looked disappointed for a second before a completely impassive expression appeared.

"Some other time." he muttered, turning off the music and disappearing back into the bedroom. Howard sighed and laid down his book. What exactly had just happened?

* * *

The next couple of days passed in a blur of courteous gestures and neutral comments, broken only once by a blazing row when Howard accidentally broke the cable to Vince's hair straighteners (although even this was different to how it was before, in that once they stopped yelling Vince actually looked guilty and Howard had an unfamiliar churning sensation in his stomach at the thought that he might have upset Vince…). They hadn't really said anything that meant anything yet, so Howard wasn't sure how to say what he needed to. It was when they were both silently eating dinner that he thought he should say it.

"Vince."

"Can't talk. Eating."

Howard almost smiled. "Horace asked me about the room again today."

Vince's head shot up, his food instantly taking second place. "Oh?"

"Said it was still available if I wanted it."

"And do you?"

Howard blinked, drumming his fingers on the table. "I'm…not sure. I'm not sure what's changed."

"I…don't want you to take it." Vince said quietly. Howard sighed.

"Now maybe. What about in a weeks time though?"

Vince looked away. "Howard, I'm not stupid. I know everything hasn't been fixed. I mean, it was only a week, but…don't you want to _try_?"

"I suppose…"

"Wasn't it worth it? You and me?"

Howard licked his lips. "Are you saying…um…what are you saying?"

"I'm not sure." Vince admitted. He looked up into Howard's face. "But I know I definitely don't hate you anymore. I'm just not sure what I'm left with." he took in Howard's expression. "Oh God, you still hate me don't you?"

"I don't hate you, little man, I'm just wondering what you're getting at…what?"

Vince was positively beaming. "Little man."

"Huh?"

"You called me little man."

Howard thought. "I did didn't I?"

"I can't remember the last time you called me that."

"Me neither." they smiled at each other for a few seconds. "So should I take it or not?"

"What?"

"The room."

"Do _you_ want to take it?" Howard looked away, saying nothing. Which told Vince all he needed to know. He suddenly didn't feel hungry anymore. "Right. Well." he stood up. "If you want to take it you go ahead. You don't need to ask my permission for anything."

"Vince."

"I'm going to bed."

* * *

Vince wasn't sure if it was because of what he'd said the night before, but somehow Howard seemed to want to get out as soon as possible. He'd packed a few bags and told Naboo he'd pick up the rest of his stuff at another time. Naboo had looked over at Vince when he'd said that, and the younger man had had to fight to keep his face impassive. He still couldn't believe how much Howard's imminent departure was affecting him, given that only a few weeks ago he would have happily thrown Howard out himself. It was probably for the best though. Get some space.

Even so the sight of Howard stood wearing his long black coat and clutching two large cases made heart lurch in a way he'd never felt before. If Vince thought about it, he realised he'd never really expected Howard to go. That maybe this was just one of his attention seeking stunts…

"You're really going then?" Vince asked.

"Yeah." Howard looked up at him. "Yeah, I am."

Vince nodded. "Right."

"It's for the best, Vince."

Vince plucked idly at his sleeve, refusing to meet Howard's gaze. "Yeah, of course it is. We both know =-0,9c2exdwhat it's been like these past few months."

"Exactly. But these past few days have made me realise what we've lost, and maybe if we have some…I dunno, some space between us maybe, we'll be able to get it back. Because think about it, Vince. We started to fall apart as soon as we spent all our time together. Back at the zoo we worked different sections, and we only spent the night together in the hut once a week on night shift. And that worked, Vince, so maybe if we're apart it'll start to work again."

"And maybe we'll just never bother to see each other again."

"If that happens, it happens. But I don't think it will."

"But it might." Vince insisted.

"This isn't me leaving, Vince." Howard pointed out. "I'll still be working in the shop."

"Yeah." Vince said, his voice heavy.

"Look, I…I wanted to give you something." Vince looked up as Howard held out a small box tied with gold ribbon. "It's nothing special, just…well, truth be told I found it in my wardrobe when I was clearing out my stuff. I bought it for you last birthday only…well, we weren't really speaking then so I never gave it to you."

"A going away present?" Vince suggested with a small smile.

"Well, there's no point me keeping it."

Vince took the box and pulled the ribbon off, opening it. Inside, nestled in tissue paper, sat a large gold spiral pendant with a bright blue stone set in the centre of it. Vince looked up at Howard in surprise.

"I just thought you might like it, so…" Howard trailed off, shrugging embarrassedly.

Vince returned his gaze to the box in his hand. He blinked rapidly several times, then he closed the lid of the box and quickly walked the few steps towards Howard, putting the box down on the table as he went, then in one fluid movement grabbed Howard's face and kissed him.

After a few seconds he pulled back. "Sorry." he said. "Going away present."

Howard swallowed. "I…I think the one I gave you was worth more."

Vince frowned, slightly hurt, then realised what Howard was implying. "Oh." he said softly. He leant his face forwards and kissed him again, and this time Howard dropped his cases, bringing his arms up around the smaller man, his mouth moving hesitantly beneath Vince's. Vince moved his hands to the back of Howard's head, tangling his fingers in Howard's hair, kissing him desperately and clinging on like he'd never let go.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"This doesn't make sense." Howard said softly some time later, trailing a hand along Vince's jaw-line.

"What doesn't?"

"This. Us. You and me. How can we go from hating each other to…whatever this is…in a week?"

"I don't know. But I'm glad." Vince replied softly. "Because I don't know what I'd do without you."

"I'm not sure what's supposed to happen now." Howard said.

"In terms of…?"

"Am I still supposed to move out?"

Vince stilled. "Do you want to?" he asked in a would-be casual voice.

"No!" Howard assured him instantly. "No, but…I couldn't bare it if we went back to how we were before."

"Howard, admit it, we got to how we were before because I was a stupid arrogant tit who couldn't see past his own self worth."

"But…"

"No, it's true. But living as you…I understand now. I understand how much I must have hurt you and I don't want to do that again."

"Vince, you didn't do it intentionally before." he frowned. "Did you?"

"No! Not at first. But I did take you for granted." he ran a finger over Howard's top lip. "And I know not to do that now."

"I don't want to lose you again."

Vince felt something in his chest catch. "Me neither." Howard leant forwards and kissed him again and Vince sighed against him. "I think you should go."

Howard pulled back sharply, completely confused. "What? What did I do?"

Vince couldn't help giggling at his expression. He kissed him softly and took hold of his hand.

"No you doughnut. I don't mean you should leave right _now_, I mean…I think you should move out."

"Ok…why?" Howard still looked confused and slightly wary.

Vince looked away, unable to meet his gaze. "Because I'm scared that if you stay here we'll start fighting again because it's what we're used to. Only next time there won't be any weird magic voodoo to get us talking again. I want to take this slowly."

"So you think we should, what…date?"

"Well…would that be so bad?"

Howard grinned. "No little man. That wouldn't be bad at all."

Vince bit his lower lip and began to trace patterns on the back of Howard's hand. "Although…"

"Yes?"

"When I say I want to take it slow…" he looked up nervously. "You could...stay til tomorrow morning?"

Howard swallowed heavily and gently stroked Vince's hair. "Tomorrow morning sounds…amazing."

* * *

Naboo looked around the pub, nodding when he spotted a shaman dressed in bright blue robes sat at the bar. He went over and sat next to him.

"Alright Andy."

"Alright Naboo? How's the flatmate situation?" he asked in a Scottish accent.

Naboo grimaced. "Well they're not fighting anymore."

"That's good isn't it? I thought that was what you wanted?"

Naboo shrugged. "What I wanted was for them to go back to how they were before. I wanted peace and quiet! I did NOT want to have to listen to them…making up, shall we say."

Andy grinned. "All the potion did was make them realise their true feelings about everything. That's what swapped them back."

Naboo glared at him. "I meant to say about that actually. You could have flipping warned me! When I said I wanted something doing I meant…I dunno, counselling or something. Not for you to work some body-swap voodoo!"

"Worked didn't it?"

"A little too well!" Naboo grumbled. "Do you reckon if we switch them again they'll go back to fighting?"

"Like I said, that wasn't my fault. I can't create any feelings that weren't already there."

Naboo rolled his eyes. "I suppose. At least it's not going to be too much, now Howard's moved out." he sighed. "Although I'm not sure how long that'll last. I've got a €50 bet with Bollo that he'll be back by the end of the month."

Andy nodded, then suddenly grinned, his gaze fixed on something over Naboo's shoulder. "So it was a good thing then, yeah?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"So…you wouldn't be completely opposed to using it again then?"

"What?"

"The potion." he reached into his robes and pulled out a flask of pink liquid.

"On who?" Naboo asked suspiciously. Terry nodded his head and Naboo turned. A smile played around Naboo's mouth when he saw who was sat in the corner, and he turned back to his friend.

"You're sure it wont create 'feelings', yeah? Vince and Howard I can just about stomach, but if those two start shagging I might have to emigrate. No-one needs to see that."

"I'm sure. The only way those two are going to end up together is if they're already crazy about each other…"

Naboo grinned and turned round in his stool. "Oi, Tony! Saboo! You two ball bags fancy a drink…?"


End file.
